Make no mistake, beauty is a currency, but it is merely one of many social currencies.
No one feels particularly special on a dating app. That’s what I want to tell hier. My best friend, who looks like the racially ambiguous lovechild of Brad Pitt and Pocahontas, swings hier phone at mij te righteous indignation. She is not alone. Several of my “classically attractive” friends are pissed. Society tells them they’re beautiful and they’re mad at Tinder and OkCupid for not providing better prospects. They’re also mad at mij. I’m the average-looking sidekick, “the one who online dates,” and it’s my fault they aren’t having a better time.
“You have no idea what it’s like to be called beautiful all the time,” a good friend merienda remarked. “It’s like your fattest accomplishment is something you didn’t do yourself.”
She wasn’t being rude, I’m not beautiful ter the traditional sense. I have pock-marked skin, masked eyes, and a bulbous nose. My voice is deep, which evidently makes mij less desirable to fellows. My eye color isn’t interesting, and my hair is always feral. I’m not ugly, but I don’t have much beauty privilege (and make no mistake, beauty privilege yields tangible prizes). From grade-school dances te gyms to corporate blessed hours, I’ve bot “swiped left” on more than my fair share.
“Online dating is just awkward,” my adorable co-worker scrunches hier nose. “I get that they’re not looking for love, but aren’t they attempting to meet up? Why match with mij if they’re not going to speak?”
“Well you could message them?” I suggest.
“That’s not my job,” she counters. “I don’t have to.”
Spil it turns out, my good-looking friends aren’t downright out of touch. “Classically attractive” women have more difficulty online dating. Given the competitive nature of the medium, some guys assume if a woman is too attractive, she may be inundated with prospects. Thus, to hedge their bets, they may only treatment women who aren’t considered unanimously pretty. This little factoid adds a layer of difficulty for some of my friends, but the unresponsiveness and awkwardness isn’t unique to beautiful people.
Almost anyone who has spent time online dating knows the frustration is inherent te the process.
Most of us have commiserated overheen drinks about the uncountable conversations that go nowhere, the superb conversations that result ter terrible dates, or the amazing dates that end te radiodifusión muffle. Wij can console ourselves with the skill that dating sites are marketplaces packed with choice and chance, and when faced with infinite choices, you’re less likely to choose. Being overlooked is unpleasant, but this is where media looks are a bounty: They free you from the notion that people should fall at your feet.
Spil a middling, I’ve discovered that my inherent greatness won’t always be universally accepted. To be fair, I’ve also learned this by being a black woman. Ter an effort to preserve sanity, I discovered very early that what is good and beautiful about mij doesn’t require outer validation. If someone doesn’t “match” with mij (online or te actual life), it doesn’t mean I’m less valuable. While there are hurt feelings and bruised egos, there’s resilience ter the acceptance that everyone won’t always want what I am serving. The consequence of unchecked privilege — étnico, gender, economic or beauty — is entitlement. But, a side effect of being sidelined is an chance for ingenuity and grace.
Make no mistake, beauty is a currency, but it is merely one of many social currencies. I recognize the strength and sensuality of my kinks. I honor my intelligence. I laugh like a drunken sailor, and meet people with an open heart. I worry less about pretense or maintaining some mystique, and if a suitor doesn’t get mij, I can chalk it up to math. The odds might be against mij, but that doesn’t mean I don’t deserve to play the spel.
Te case you were wondering, being unapologetically “ordinary” has implications beyond online dating. It’s essentially the reason Google commenced hiring outside of the Ivy League: People who weren’t bred to think they can’t be wrong have an lighter time failing with dignity and poise. To find success at dating, on the Internet or anywhere else, wij vereiste wield an almost foolish preparedness to fail.
That’s the auténtico secret “average-looking” women know: Unreturned advances aren’t the end of the story. They’re the stepping stone toward finding whatever it is wij ultimately desire.