I – m sick of dating – Love
I am a ample fan of Love Letters and your commenters! Here’s my question te a nutshell: I’ve got dating exhaustion. What should I do about it?
Te collegium, I dated somebody for a long time. Wij could have moved ter together, maybe even married one day, but wij weren’t right for one another. I’m overheen it, and it seems like a distant memory. Since then, I’ve dated people on and off, done the online toneel, had more than a few six-month relationships, nothing special. Guilty admission: I love OKCupid more for the capability to judge random people than for the potential to go on a date and meet somebody. Strangely, I feel emotionally healthy. I’m also te a good place having just landed a wonderful job that is challenging, helpful to society, and meets my basic financial needs. I’d very much like a vivo relationship at this point, but this isn’t a “Why won’t anybody date mij?” sort of thing — and I’m OK being on my own. Besides, I’ve found I’m able to meet people pretty lightly. It’s not that.
I’ve got a serious inertia problem. On the one arm I’d truly like to be te a relationship, and I’m ready to have the joy and do the “work” of a relationship. But it just takes too much effort to get to that point. For one, dating is expensive, even doing it cheaply. Two, three, four 1st-5th dates add up, and that’ll waterput a strain on a budget — even when you split things, and I’m the sort of fellow who at least offers to pay. Then there’s the chance cost. I have a fairly big network of friends — going on an OK date that’s not going to go anywhere is not spil joy spil observing friends I know I like and toevluchthaven’t seen ter far too long.
But mostly, I have the same date overheen and overheen again. Here’s how it goes, more or less:
[Grabbing drinks, grabbing dinner, catching a movie, going to Quirky Artsy Thing, or doing Quirky Sport/Spel Thing.] This weather is crazy! It’s Snowmageddon! Vleierij. Mooipraterij. What do you do? Descriptions of what you are both sultry about and your collective values. Discussion relative to various tv shows, music, movies, or other speelpop/sub-pop phenomenon. Recall childhood cartoons/memory. Siblings? Hey, do you know so-and-so? You do. What a coincidence! You went to that exotic place that one time and how it’s different and interesting. You both want to travel more. News Event. Epistel political or religious discussion (look how risky you both are to bring that up!) That recinto thing that just happened. That book you read. That movie you just eyed together. I’ve had a nice time. Yeah, mij too!
Spil I write this, I am well aware that I sound like a gigantic haul, and I’m sure that’s just what the commenters will say. Maybe that’s it. Maybe I’m just bored. Maybe I’m elitist or have too high standards or am just plain cynical or something. I don’t think I am any of those things and I hope I’m not.
So, (at last) here’s my question: I get that there aren’t any shortcuts on the road of life, but maybe there are ways to make the journey a little more scenic? What do people do to love the process of dating before you find somebody who is going to be a good fucking partner ter a relationship?
– Lethargic ter Somerville
I get it, LIS. Dating can be annoying, especially when you’ve bot doing it for a while.
And that’s why I’m going to suggest that you zekering dating. Drape out with people spil friends. Zekering the OKCupid thing and spend time with people ter groups. Get to know people naturally so that by the time you’re on a efectivo date with them, you know they’re worth your time (and money). Yes, organic meet-ups are more difficult to come by spil a grown-up, but you’re telling us that you actually do meet people te your everyday life. Capitalize on that. Invite six people overheen to your apartment to witness TV. If you wind up spending more time with one of those six people, that’s excellent.
Your complaints are fair, by the way. Dating is expensive and can be earnestly repetitive. (Snowmageddon, indeed.) And that’s why you can only do it if you’re psyched about it. Taking a pauze will give you some clarity to see beyond the puny talk. Right now, your dating glasses are all foggy.
Readers? Is the LW a haul or is he just sick of a difficult process? Should he zekering dating? Should he be dating online? If he had a date with the right person, would he be able to see beyond the puny talk? Tips for coping with dating tiredness? Help.