Book Review: The Science of Happily Ever After- Ty Tashiro

the science of happily ever afterYes, I’ve been doing a lot of reading! After the relatively tough slog of The Female Brain, Ty Tashiro’s The Science of Happily Ever After: What Really Matters in the Quest for Enduring Love was a quick, enjoyable, informative read.

Dr. Tashiro has conducted extensive academic research on the psychology of relationships and now consults for the Discovery Channel. Using real-life examples combined with the latest research on relationships, Tashiro explores why so many of us make poor choices in choosing a partner, and offers some solutions.

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Book Review: The Female Brain- Louann Brizendine

the female brainThe significance of biological differences between men and women has led to a fair amount of debate in the dating blogosphere, and in academia, The Female Brain made waves a few years ago when Brizendine made the case for significant differences between male and female brains. Although the book has been controversial, Brizendine is well-qualified to address the topic. A neuropsychiatrist, she has been studying women’s moods and hormonal fluctuations for decades.

Coming of academic age in the 1970′s, Brizendine was at first convinced that patriarchal oppression was solely responsible for women’s high levels of depression. As she studied the matter further, and as new information became available via brain scans, she started changing her mind. It became increasingly clear that male and female brains are already quite different after the first few months of fetal development, and the differences become ever starker as children develop.

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Why You Should Have a Positive Attitude When Dating, and How to Get One

positive attitude
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Are you looking for the one thing that will turn your love life around in an instant? What if we told you that there is one trait that is the best predictor of success in dating? As it turns out, the luck you have in love isn’t luck so much as it is a positive attitude. Without it, you’re unlikely to find lasting relationship happiness.

The dating world is full of negativity. Bad news is popular in the media and in the blogosphere. Daters seem to compete for the most spectacular horror stories. While all of this might be entertaining, it’s also counterproductive. Focusing on the negative will only bring more of the same. We’ll show you the science behind optimism, and how you can apply it to your dating life so you can get good results sooner rather than later.

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Why You Shouldn’t Date to Get a Better Lifestyle

better lifestyle
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“I just can’t get over Ryan,” Marie said. “He has the perfect life-the one I’ve been wishing I could live for as long as I can remember. He lives in the most wonderful city, in the most incredible apartment, has a challenging and fulfilling career with plenty of time for a fun and healthy lifestyle. When I’m with him, I feel like I’m exactly where I should be.”

Sounds great, doesn’t it?

There’s just one big problem: this guy with the perfect life isn’t interested in adding Marie to it in any meaningful way. So far, he’s been happy to have her spend the weekend every now and then, otherwise keeping in touch sporadically via text and Skype. She’s been trying to forget about him by dating other men closer to where she lives, but so far, none of them measure up in terms of lifestyle.

Is Marie off base here? Doesn’t it make sense that you would look for someone who shares your values and lives the kind of life you’d like to live?

Well, yes, to a limited degree. And much more generally: no. Let’s look at the pros and the cons.

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Why You Should Never Pursue a One-Sided Relationship

one-sided relationship
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We’ve already spent a fair amount of time discussing the importance of mutual attraction in a relationship.  Without it, you end up with the unfortunate dynamic of one person trying to convince the other to become equally excited about it. It seldom works.

We are often asked if there’s an easy way to tell if you are in a good relationship. Generally we’d ask: are you happy? If so, things are probably good. Some people however, have  warped idea of what constitutes happiness, or are convinced that relationships are “hard” and only worthwhile if they’re full of drama and pain.

Upon closer observation, these unhappy situations tend to be one-sided relationships of one type or another. Sometimes, both parties are convinced that they’re equally in love, but one person is doing all of the work. Typical examples are situations where say the man does all of the initiating and all of the paying. Maybe she’s really into him, but she’s not showing it. Or, we see instances where the woman is paying his rent, bringing home the bacon, doing all of the housework and he never shows any appreciation or lifts a finger to help.

Of course, there are circumstances where it makes sense for one person to do most of the heavy lifting, while the other one provides support and expresses appreciation in other ways The key thing is that appreciation is shown in some way.

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